A History of Cussing

Originally posted on my blog, wordplaycrazy , June 2020.

The first time I cussed I was in the third grade . I ran outside, yelled “shit!”, then ran back inside. I had always wanted to cuss, but one day I woke up and I knew in my motherfucking heart it was time to start.

I planned it out perfectly. I would wait until my parents were watching their stories and my brother playing the vidjuh game before I made my cussing debut. I’d do it after school around 5:30pm, right before dinner and Seinfeld.

While I knew no one was gonna be in the backyard at that time, I still had to carefully choose the right word in case a motherfucker walked outside or a neighbor was close in their yard and was gonna snitch.

I didn’t wanna say “damn” because “damn” has a distinctive sound. Very hard to play off.

“Hell”? I could’ve played it off, but motherfuckers wasn’t that religious so it would’ve been a hard sell . I doubt the spirit would’ve grabbed hold of me at 9 and forced me to let out a “hell”. Wasn’t going to fly.

I didn’t learn the joys of motherfucker until I was much older. I’d say around Chappelle’s Show debut is when I learned to love that word. But I didn’t know its true power at 9, so I’d have to grow into it. Pass.

But “shit” though? Shit” was perfect because I could play it off as a sneeze . “Shit” turns to “Shh” very quickly. I could’ve played it off as “shot” as well. Very versatile and I’d highly recommend it for first time…